I have been feeling grumbly about the sub zero temperatures here in the Midwest.
I wish I had a cabin up north. Specifically equipped with a library, a fireplace, and a big picture window for watching snow fall. I am learning to appreciate winter these days. I just know I'd appreciate this season even more if I could migrate to that dream cabin for the duration of February. Maybe in another five years it will be possible since writing can be done remotely.
That's a lovely thought. Me, hot coffee, pen, paper, and a mountain of good books next to me.
I have enjoyed reading since I can remember. I can thank my mom for that because she took my sister and I to the local public library quite often.
Two books that stand out in my memory are The Girl Who Loved Wild Horses by Paul Goble and Wacky Wednesday by Dr. Seuss. I loved the first, and my sister the second. It never failed that either of us would run to see if those books were available to check out. They were our favorites before we even learned to read properly, and if you are familiar with them you know that the illustrations were reason enough to love them.
The first chapter book I read was Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, a Great Illustrated Classic. I remember it being the first book that I was able to read and actually put my own vision to the words.
One of my best friends in high school loved The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton which is why I ended up reading it. It was also how I fell in love with the poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" By Robert Frost (Poets.org).
One of my favorite English teachers in High School was Mr. Ridout. On the first day of one of the classes I had with him he wrote several questions on the board, and one was whether or not you could quote a couple of lines from a Robert Frost poem. I had memorized "Nothing Gold Can Stay" so I was one of the few who could answer any of them. I suppose I knew then that there was something wrong with me. I the kind of kid who actually enjoyed assigned reading and memorized poetry...for fun.
I have more thoughts on that for another post, but I digress...
During that year we read more Robert Frost, including this poem:
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost : Poetry Foundation
One of the many great things about Robert Frost is that his poems have a lovely cadence and paint a lovely picture. They also can have a deeper meaning for you, but it's no so deep that you get a headache trying to figure it out.
For me, the last lines of the poem in particular come to mind anytime I'm feeling the winter blues.
This year I am feeling the February blues a bit. I'm sleeping deeply which is nice, but the days are still feeling short even if they are getting longer. It's been one of the coldest winters in years. Then again, I can't remember much of February last year. I suppose it's because of the grief effect. The first month after a significant person dies it's like your body reacts with a 'safe mode' where everything is a little numb, and you're operating, but not fully there.
Anyways. When I think 'I have miles to go before I sleep' I think maybe that's how my mom felt. Battling depression for so long, and just wishing she could give in and go to sleep. Sometimes I feel that way too. It's miraculous really, that people are able to keep moving. Life can be so hard. Every living thing has to struggle just to survive. We think humanity is past that, but since we have secondary consciousness it's not necessarily enough just to have our basic needs met. We want more.
Of course that longing for 'eternal sleep' is also found in Shakespeare's Hamlet.
If you prefer music, then a good song to go with the theme is 'Asleep' by the Smiths from Louder Than Bombs.
It may seem like if you're feeling low that reading pieces with undertones about 'eternal sleep' might be counter intuitive. It's not that I equate 'eternal sleep' with 'suicide' exactly either. It's more about how living can be so tiring and draining. We don't always 'recharge' our batteries enough. I know when I don't then sometimes I think maybe sleeping beauty had the right idea. Just 100 year nap and then I'll be good to go again.
For now, I am just trying to keep my energy up by exercising regularly, eating healthy-ish, let myself sleep as much as I need, and indulge in plenty of reading.
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