Make it count

“Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.”
― Ovid

I will only take the positive aspect of this quote. Let’s just say you need to make yourself the water. The water is the persisting element here; the rock is only hallowed out because it doesn’t move. Humans are a species that have the power to take action, a rock cannot move.

I find J.R.R. Tolkien’s quotes to be overly inspiring on a vast complicated plane of levels.  He gives both hope and the truth, and above all his quotes give hope that as long as you are fighting, and fighting for a cause, you can prevail.  This does not mean you WILL prevail only that you have been given the tools to insure your success, you have to use them, ““There is some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for.” -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

I think of my mother when I see this quote. Her pain was too deep. Her wounds could not heal.  This is why I am so unique it differentiates from others who have not seen or felt the horrors I have.  I, too, bear a burden time cannot mend. A burden like mine, you come to understand, cannot be placed in a category. There is no better or worse.  When you know someone who has been in so much pain to take their own life… it is an emotional burden beyond time’s healing powers, no matter how magical.

“So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

We can’t change the past, it’s too late to change the present, but we can change the future. Every day is a new day.  If you don’t take action to change your life, then YOU are to blame. I can’t even begin to explain the rocky road I have traveled to be where I am, but I try. I’ve been trying. It’s helped me, it hasn’t healed me, but it’s helped. 

I decide what to do with the time that is given to me, as you choose what to do with yours. Make it count.   :)

Happy Birthday to my dear friend Nick!

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”
― William Shakespeare

“Luna had decorated her bedroom ceiling with five beautifully painted faces: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville. They were not moving as the portraits at Hogwarts moved, but there was a certain magic about them all the same: Harry thought they breathed. What appeared to be fine golden chains wove around the pictures, linking them together, but after examining them for a minute or so, Harry realized that the chains were actually one word, repeated a thousand times in golden ink: friends . . . friends . . . friends . . .”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
― Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, A Life for a Life

“Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero

It has not been an easy year so far as the catastrophes continue to pile on my shoulders laying themselves like bricks on my shoulders, waiting for me to cave under the pressure but I don’t. I won’t.  My strength doesn’t come from an unknown source, I have been given the necessary tools to harness the strength from the love I receive from people around me, and one of those very special people celebrates a birthday today.

Despite everything that has happened within the last year of my life, I am so grateful to be where I am. I don’t have to attempt to explain the crazy process of my thoughts or who I am.  I don’t feel pressured to be someone I’m not and more importantly I don’t feel belittled to be who I am. 

I haven’t always been the person I am today, and I will never be this person again, tomorrow is a new day and I don’t feel fear because if this, I feel comfort.  I don’t think you can feel the euphoric happiness I sometimes have the privilege to feel unless you feel comfortable and secure. 

This might seem obvious to some people, but it is truly a task.  I wage wars with myself on an almost daily basis, but I am never alone.  I am not the only person who suffers from my loss and I feel like the luckiest girl alive to have people in my life who ask me for a chance to take whatever weights I need off my shoulders to ease my pain.

Nick has always been there for my unanswered questions or to help me decide what I should do when I find myself questioning what is happening in my unpredictable life. With barely any knowledge of who I am or whom I was Nick has been someone in my life who supports my decisions and helps me whether I’m stuck in a tree or stuck in a storm I am not afraid. If Nick hadn’t been so open to me moving here, I probably wouldn’t be here in the first place. What a significant difference this has made in my life.

“But it does not seem that I can trust anyone,' said Frodo.
Sam looked at him unhappily. 'It all depends on what you want,' put in Merry. 'You can trust us to stick with you through thick and thin--to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours--closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Happy Birthday Nick, and thank you for being my friend!