I am feeling good this morning. The weekend was nice. I am loving the fall weather! The in between seasons are my favorite. I am also getting used to waking up early again which is wonderful, especially when it means I get to start the day with writing or planning or something for me. These days since I enjoy my job so much and have direction for my life path I actually feel like I get to feel that way most mornings.
My life is feeling more connected again.
It is still challenging to set your own path to follow. In fact, in many ways it is more challenging. When I was allowing myself to feel trapped at work I was also allowing myself to blame outside forces for a lot of the issues that stressed me out, and the driving force behind feeling trapped was good old fashioned FEAR.
We expect to feel fear when we lose a loved one or when something traumatic happens. In those instances though the fear is so great that our adrenaline kicks in and honestly you react and handle it without having to give it much thought.
Dangerous fear is the anxiety that attacks slowly over a long period of time. It's the fear that clings to you after a traumatic incident has passed. It's the fear that sits in the back of your mind, and it can be quite confusing after awhile trying to decipher if your fears are founded or not. Often the fear and anxiety is not equal to the 'danger.'
The key for me is that I am learning how to be more proactive. Rather than just wait for problems to 'get me' I try to face them head on or prepare for potential problems before they occur.
It requires faith in yourself, which is not always easy. I struggle with self doubt and worrying that I am not good enough or smart enough or talented enough to make it in the world, but I think most people have those doubts from time to time.
Now that I am technically self-employed it is up to me and me alone to stay motivated and focused. Whether at my current position as an executive assistant, or as I am working on writing projects in the hopes of becoming a published (and paid!) writer. So it's a challenge to make sure that I am setting goals and achieving them. Setting a path and actually following it.
It's a much more rewarding challenge though, and it also makes me feel less cranky with the world. I guess because I know that ultimately if I have control over my life then I also only have myself to blame if I don't stay on track. It also gives me the freedom to jump tracks though if they don't work anymore.
Self-reliance is a great thing.
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