Happy Birthday, Heather! Whoo hoo!!!!!! I love you :)

Heather- Happy birthday to the most inspirational and encouraging woman in my life. I am so proud of you!

Do you remember playing restaurant when we were little? I was probably five- you always wanted to be the hostess and I always wanted to be the waitress (which has probably helped me considering that has been my profession for quite some time now).  We used to stress ourselves out, at such a young age, because the “restaurant” in the basement was always ridiculously slammed. We had no tangible customers yet we helped each other.... taking drink orders when I couldn’t get to a table by the fireplace, helping me deliver food, and answering the constantly ringing telephone to take reservations (as well as the many people who were waiting in line to be seated already). 

We ran a very busy and successful establishment (with no real customers).

This is how we had fun…how much pretend stress can we endure?

“Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.”
― Barbara Alpert

My sister and I have been all of these things for each other, especially the shrink part. Although we are past the wishing we were only children stage there were plenty of moments that wish crossed our minds when we were growing up.

My sister is my mirror, shining back at me with a world of possibilities, but she is more than that…She and I make possibilities.  I don’t have to wait for opportunities to come knocking at my door, I open the door and venture out to greet them. While I can do this on my own, it is always more fun with my sister.  Everything is more fun with my sister.

“We hug, but there are no tears. For every awful thing that's been said and done, she is my sister. Parents die, daughters grow up and marry out, but sisters are for life. She is the only person left in the world who shares my memories of our childhood, our parents, our Shanghai, our struggles, our sorrows, and, yes, even our moments of happiness and triumph. My sister is the one person who truly knows me, as I know her. The last thing May says to me is 'When our hair is white, we'll still have our sister love.”
― Lisa See, Shanghai Girls

“The anguish I always feel when she's in pain wells up in my chest and threatens to register on my face.”
― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

I’m excited for your birthday, I am happy for your birthday, a little sad for your birthday (since our family members have dwindled), but most of all I am thankful for your birthday, because it is the start of your existence, one of which I would be completely lost without.

This is a time for celebration, but we are still sad, sometimes sad sisters.  You can’t stop grief, you can’t make it disappear, and you certainly can’t put it on hold. You CAN look at it from different perspectives and positions in your life, and that’s how I feel about the following two:

Sometimes the best and worst times of your life can coincide. It is a talent of the soul to discover the joy in pain—-thinking of moments you long for, and knowing you’ll never have them again. The beautiful ghosts of our past haunt us and yet we still can’t decide if the pain they caused us out weighs the tender moments when they touched our soul. This is the irony of love.

(MU Article, 2010)”
― Shannon L. Alder

“You can not die of grief, though it feels as if you can. A heart does not actually break, though sometimes your chest aches as if it is breaking. Grief dims with time. It is the way of things. There comes a day when you smile again, and you feel like a traitor. How dare I feel happy. How dare I be glad in a world where my father is no more. And then you cry fresh tears, because you do not miss him as much as you once did, and giving up your grief is another kind of death.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton

I don’t think that it is necessarily missing them less, it’s just allowing yourself to grieve less….to go on with your life, to allow yourself the opportunity to be truly happy. My sister and I will find this opportunity together as well…with help along the way from Ryan, Nick, family, and friends.  We will get there and learn along the way.

Also, yesterday was mom and dad’s anniversary. I was sad, but also I had this thought.

Until death did they part and in death they are reunited. I would say I think they had a nice party but I know it would have been a completely crazy party instead.  Probably full of beer, laughter, storytelling, and love, the way parties are supposed to be. 

I love you, Heather! I hope that this year offers fewer obstacles.  I don’t necessarily need more of anything; less obstacles and devastation would be greatly appreciated though, eh?

Perhaps we could start planning our trip to Disneyworld? Who knows!

So many exciting options, can’t wait to get started :)

Lastly,

I GET TO SEE YOU IN LESS THAN A WEEK. ERMAGERD I CAN’T WAIT. I AM SO EXCITED!!! EEEEEEEEEEP!