Holiday season.
As I'm finishing my Christmas gifts it's gradually getting worse. It seems as if each stitch is the only thing stopping me from completely losing control. I miss her, so much. The closer it gets to Christmas the harder it gets for me not to cry.
The most valuable gift I can give is my love, so I suppose thinking of her so much is my way of giving her as much as I can, since she isn't here in flesh and blood.
It makes me lonely. I feel so lonely without her, like someone is pulling my stomach up through my mouth, by a string. It's heavy.
I've begun the process of lifting the weights off my shoulders, but it's tedious and slow and not without hiccups. I'm doing the best that I know how to do and I know I'll get there eventually. I've spent far too much time teaching myself how to be at peace to let it all that work I've done to my personality go to waste.
Things are better than they were, and I will continue to push myself to remember that sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes it's okay to accept defeat.
“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The
wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them
with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
-Rose Kennedy
My sanity seems to be at stake.
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