Chi lar dura la vince – He that endureth overcomes

I have already been through this hole once and I escaped.  I wish it were a part of my distant past but unfortunately this horrific adventure is a part of my recent events.

It is my intangible enemy- time. 

Regardless, I am much more familiar with which routes lead to dead ends and which are paths that must be confronted head-on, although even I have my mishaps. 

            I joke around about becoming a spy or being chosen to be in some top-secret organization…truth is, it’s probably got something to do with my running away obsession.  Take a spy, for example; they finish a job and start a new one somewhere else.  Unfortunately, I am not a spy, and that is not how to get answers to your questions or learn who you are as a person. 

            I must take my path, no matter how many twists and turns, and I will take it to the very end.

 “One thing: you have to walk, and create the way by your walking; you will not find a ready-made path. It is not so cheap, to reach to the ultimate realization of truth. You will have to create the path by walking yourself; the path is not ready-made, lying there and waiting for you. It is just like the sky: the birds fly, but they don't leave any footprints. You cannot follow them; there are no footprints left behind.”
― Osho

“When you want to share something with another person more than anything, it is one of the most difficult things to realize that you can never have it. Accepting this realization is even more difficult. Loving someone does mean saying goodbye to them in some cases, though we will fight that until the oftentimes bitter end before doing the right thing.”
― Ashly Lorenzana

“We may seem fine, even when the pain remains right there beneath our surface.”
― Ashly Lorenzana

“The parts of me that hurt the worst want me to write something for them, but I can't. I don't know what to say. I'm lost in all this sadness, and so are they.”
― Ashly Lorenzana

            The road that I’m on through this path of grief is similar as the last, but not the same.  I almost feel like my whole life has been a series of unfortunate events…as if the book itself was based off of my sister and I.  There are memories from my past, which paralyze me, only momentarily until I pull myself back up to the surface, gasping for breath. Okay, okay, it isn’t that dramatic all the time, but sometimes it truly does feel that way.

I’ve been feeling good as far as my motivation and goals are concerned…my health isn’t the best but it’s been worse…. I suppose I just need to reacquaint myself with the deepest form of loneliness I know exists.

It is silly to think that this is a personal battle of which I fight on a daily basis, and I’m sure my sister does as well.   I’m just not sure I can find a way around it.  I hate to think of how many complexes I’ve developed over the years,  but I’m still moving along just fine, for the most part!

The sun was very bright and hot today, we played an interesting game called kubb? You really need to play it or look it up to understand what it is, but it is similar to a cross between horseshoes and bowling. Anyway, Britney and I beat Josh and Nick and so I should probably become really good at it….maybe there’s a team somewhere? Totally kidding, but it was fun.

Sooo sleepy!

“Our dreams are luminous, a cast fire upon the world.
Morning arrives and that's it.
Sunlight darkens the earth.”
― Charles Wright